So I was a little tardy to the Facebook party and just joined 2 months ago. Really, I held out for as long as I could and only joined begrudgingly...but...
One of the first people to contact me on FB was a guy that I dated briefly in HS. Now by "briefly" I mean, like June and July of the summer of our Junior year. He was the same year as me, but we ran in totally different circles - he was in the "popular" crowd and I was in the "geeky" crowd (or the "nerd herd" as we were so affectionately dubbed by our less than intelligent peers...
Anyway, he was one of the most "popular" guys in our grade - good at sports, in student government, fairly wealthy, great car, great clothes, and, to top it all off, gorgeous. What he saw in me, I will never know...but, we started talking at a party. I did have some friends in the "popular" crowd and would occasionally go to one of their parties. Usually I ended up standing awkwardly on the outskirts, as I didn't drink, smoke, hook-up, or do any of the other things that usually went on at high school parties. This guy, I'll call him TJ, started talking to me at a party, and as it turns out, he was actually very articulate, intelligent, and funny, unlike a lot of his Neanderthal-ish buddies.
We ended up outside on the front porch talking for a while, and found we had a lot in common. For some reason, we just "clicked" and had a really enjoyable chat. Unfortunately, his ex-girlfriend (now his wife...ugh!) was super clingy and possessive, and kept finding excuses to come out front. I was pretty unaware at the time of the dynamic that was going on, but I know now that she was totally threatened by our innocent little chit chat and was keeping an eye on him. She was a typical "mean girl" totally bitchy to anyone not in her clique, openly mocking people who weren't in the "popular" crowd, and nasty to girls who didn't wear the right clothes/shoes/etc. She had said some pretty horrible things about a close friend of mine, and made fun of my clothes on a regular basis - granted, I was in my "shopping at the Salvation Army for vintage clothing" is cool phase but still... She and another girl also prank called me our Freshman year to make fun of my acne - I had HORRIBLE acne in my Freshman year, so bad, I was put on Accutane, which was pretty radical at the time. They called me pizza face, crater face, etc. and would laugh and hang up. I knew it was them.
We ended up talking on the phone, and started "seeing" each other secretly. I would sneak out at night and he would pick me up, or I would say I was staying at a friend's and he would stay over at one of his friend's who just happened to live in my neighborhood and I would sneak into his basement and hang. This lasted for about 2 months, and then suddenly, he stopped calling me, stopped answering my calls, just...stopped.
School started in September and I still didn't know what had happened. Turns out, he had gotten back together with his psycho ex and neglected to tell her that he and I had been seeing each other. However, I think she either suspected or knew, because she escalated her mean girl behavior towards me. Getting some of the "popular" guys to throw things at me at lunch or try to trip me in the halls, or say things under her breath when I walked by. Pretty nasty piece of work she was...
Fast forward 18 years - yes, 18 FRIGGIN' YEARS!!! - and she's still an insecure psycho bitch from hell.
So, he messages me on Facebook saying hi, it's great to see me on FB, what have I been up to, and that whenever he heard a certain alternative band he thought of me (this was my favorite band when we were dating). I responded in a pretty generic fashion - "Hey, great to see you too! Yeah, I still listen to (band name), hope all is well with you!" and that was it. He responded that he and his wife have 3 kids that keep them busy, he owns his own business, etc. I respond, "That's great! You have a beautiful family! I work at (name of my work), and love it! Glad to hear that you are doing well!" Again, VERY generic, very benign, very safe! He responds again, asking if I kept in touch with anyone from our graduating class, mentions names of a few people he talks to, etc. I actually didn't respond to this message because by this time, I was deep into the Facebook Frenzy and could barely keep up with the friend requests, messages, wall posts, news feeds, invitations, etc...
So, a few days later I get this message, from his WIFE, basically telling me to stay away from her husband, asking who do I think I am, etc. etc. I responded, "Dear (bitch's name) I'm sorry you are so upset. Perhaps the person you need to speak to is your husband, as he is the one who initially messaged me." So then...I went back to read the messages between he and I, just in case I missed something. Nope.
Then I went back to look at where he had originally posted "Hey how are you?" on my wall - post was GONE!
Haven't heard a peep from him since. Kinda feel bad because I'm sure she gave him a ration of shit after reading my response. Poor guy trapped with a bitch of a wife and 3 kids under the age of 8...sheesh...
Then again, if he had any balls to begin with, he wouldn't have gotten back together with her or put up with her nasty behavior. I guess some things never change, even after 18 years...
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
The Adventures of Stalker Boy
My first attempt at testing out the "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new" theory was an epic failure. And by that, I mean a complete disaster. Like, a hot mess...
Out at local watering hole with my 24 year old brother (I'm 35) and his friends one night in December. His graduating class was having an impromptu "reunion" where anyone who wanted to just showed up at the bar that night. Started talking to a guy who was acquaintences with my brother, who was 25. He is a musician, and I remember my brother talking about how talented he was when they were in high school. Anyway, younger guy and I are chatting it up, and flirting. It was getting late, and I was tired so I said bye to my bro and friends. Younger guy asked if I was on Facebook. I told him yes, I had just joined, and to find me on there. Didn't exchange numbers or anything like that...
The next day, I received and accepted a friend request from younger guy on FB. Didn't really have time to check out his page, because I was heading into the city for some shopping with friends.
The following week, younger guy sent me a message on FB, saying that it was great seeing me at the bar, that I was "just as hot as he remembered me" and that he had always had a crush on me. I was a little surprised, only because he and my brother weren't particularly close friends, and because we were far apart in age and I didn't really remember crossing paths with him that much. I basically said this to him, and he responded that we had crossed paths a few times in the last several years, we have some work-related acquaintences in common and had seen each other at various places in town. Honestly, I had forgotten seeing him, but did recall the places/times he mentioned.
Over the next week, we went back and forth a few times on FB, and finally the day before Christmas Eve he suggested getting together for a drink sometime and gave me his number. I messaged back, saying that would be great, and gave him my number. So...over the next week or so, we exchanged flirty texts, which at times got pretty racy. I was kind of excited at being pursued by a younger man, and we agreed to go out for a drink the following weekend.
Then, things started getting a little weird. He started calling me. A lot. He would call, and if I didn't answer (I never answer my cell phone, weird quirk I have...) he would call back like 10 times in the course of 5 minutes. Then he would text asking why I wasn't answering. It started to irritate me, so I eased up on the sexting and stopped taking his calls. Then....he started sending me cock pictures. And not just 1 or 2, but lots. Him holding himself, standing in front of the mirror, laying down, basically any pose that showcased his fully erect member. Now, I will say, it was quite a cock. Great size and shape. But...I wasn't into getting bombarded by pics of it.
He requested pics of me, I didn't respond. The last straw was when he texted asking if I was home, because he was driving by my house and wanted to stop by. I didn't remember ever telling him where I lived, so I responded, "How do you know where I live???" He responded that I had told him at some point in conversation which street I lived on and which business I lived across the street from. I didn't remember ever telling him this information. As it turns out, younger guy lives less than 1/2 mile from my house. Hmmmm.....
I started to feel like I was being stalked - texts, calls, dick pictures around the clock. I started responding less, making my texts more and more short hoping he would get the hint. Finally, I stopped responding altogether. He wouldn't take the hint. Kept calling and texting, leaving messages begging me to call him back, asking if I was "mad" at him. Then started calling me a tease, said I was playing games, etc.
I finally told him that I wasn't interested in getting involved with anyone right now and I really didn't want him calling/texting me anymore. He begrudgingly said "Fine. Your loss."
The icing on the cake of this story is that I found out after the fact that he has a girlfriend. My brother clued me in when I asked him if he knew much about this guy, and then when I looked closer at his FB pics (I really hate FB and joined simply because I was tired of explaining why I wasn't on there) I saw pics with the girlfriend!!!
So, my first foray into post-breakup shenanigans and cougar-dom backfired. Not sure what to take away from this except to do a more thorough background check next time, and to discourage the sending of dick pics.
Out at local watering hole with my 24 year old brother (I'm 35) and his friends one night in December. His graduating class was having an impromptu "reunion" where anyone who wanted to just showed up at the bar that night. Started talking to a guy who was acquaintences with my brother, who was 25. He is a musician, and I remember my brother talking about how talented he was when they were in high school. Anyway, younger guy and I are chatting it up, and flirting. It was getting late, and I was tired so I said bye to my bro and friends. Younger guy asked if I was on Facebook. I told him yes, I had just joined, and to find me on there. Didn't exchange numbers or anything like that...
The next day, I received and accepted a friend request from younger guy on FB. Didn't really have time to check out his page, because I was heading into the city for some shopping with friends.
The following week, younger guy sent me a message on FB, saying that it was great seeing me at the bar, that I was "just as hot as he remembered me" and that he had always had a crush on me. I was a little surprised, only because he and my brother weren't particularly close friends, and because we were far apart in age and I didn't really remember crossing paths with him that much. I basically said this to him, and he responded that we had crossed paths a few times in the last several years, we have some work-related acquaintences in common and had seen each other at various places in town. Honestly, I had forgotten seeing him, but did recall the places/times he mentioned.
Over the next week, we went back and forth a few times on FB, and finally the day before Christmas Eve he suggested getting together for a drink sometime and gave me his number. I messaged back, saying that would be great, and gave him my number. So...over the next week or so, we exchanged flirty texts, which at times got pretty racy. I was kind of excited at being pursued by a younger man, and we agreed to go out for a drink the following weekend.
Then, things started getting a little weird. He started calling me. A lot. He would call, and if I didn't answer (I never answer my cell phone, weird quirk I have...) he would call back like 10 times in the course of 5 minutes. Then he would text asking why I wasn't answering. It started to irritate me, so I eased up on the sexting and stopped taking his calls. Then....he started sending me cock pictures. And not just 1 or 2, but lots. Him holding himself, standing in front of the mirror, laying down, basically any pose that showcased his fully erect member. Now, I will say, it was quite a cock. Great size and shape. But...I wasn't into getting bombarded by pics of it.
He requested pics of me, I didn't respond. The last straw was when he texted asking if I was home, because he was driving by my house and wanted to stop by. I didn't remember ever telling him where I lived, so I responded, "How do you know where I live???" He responded that I had told him at some point in conversation which street I lived on and which business I lived across the street from. I didn't remember ever telling him this information. As it turns out, younger guy lives less than 1/2 mile from my house. Hmmmm.....
I started to feel like I was being stalked - texts, calls, dick pictures around the clock. I started responding less, making my texts more and more short hoping he would get the hint. Finally, I stopped responding altogether. He wouldn't take the hint. Kept calling and texting, leaving messages begging me to call him back, asking if I was "mad" at him. Then started calling me a tease, said I was playing games, etc.
I finally told him that I wasn't interested in getting involved with anyone right now and I really didn't want him calling/texting me anymore. He begrudgingly said "Fine. Your loss."
The icing on the cake of this story is that I found out after the fact that he has a girlfriend. My brother clued me in when I asked him if he knew much about this guy, and then when I looked closer at his FB pics (I really hate FB and joined simply because I was tired of explaining why I wasn't on there) I saw pics with the girlfriend!!!
So, my first foray into post-breakup shenanigans and cougar-dom backfired. Not sure what to take away from this except to do a more thorough background check next time, and to discourage the sending of dick pics.
Popping the Post-Breakup Cherry
So...my ex and I broke up in September. Actually, he broke up with me, very unexpectedly, and I was a mess for months...not something I want to relive or recap, so I'll just leave it at that.
After a few unsuccessful attempts in the last two months and "getting back on the horse" so to speak (will follow-up with a more detailed story about one of those, my 25 year old stalker) I finally ended up in bed with an acquaintence from high school.
Was out at a local bar with some friends, just hanging out and drinking some beers. Saw a group of guys that were a year ahead of me in school at the table next to us. Knew them, as in knew who they were, knew their names, and had some mutual friends, but not anyone I hung out with regularly or was close friends with. Anyway, my girlfriend and I started talking with one of the guys, and somehow migrated our drinks to their table. So, we chatted it up with them for a while, the one guy (I'll call him B) and I started a side conversation. I always thought he was cute back in high school, but we were in totally different circles - he played every sport and hung out with the party crowd, I was sort of nerdy and hung out with the drama club crowd...but I digress...
Ended up talking for a while, other friends left, and before I knew it, it was 1 am. I told B I was heading out and that we should hang out sometime. We exchanged numbers, and I started to get my things to leave. He said he was leaving too and that he'd walk out with me.
In hindsight, this was probably not the smartest thing I have ever done. I barely knew this guy and was letting him walk me out of a bar to a dark parking lot at 1 in the morning.
So we get out of the bar and I start walking towards my car, he says he really enjoyed talking, and would love to take me out sometime. I say I would like that, and the next thing I know, we're making out. He asks if I want to go back to his place, his roommate is probably still out.
I don't know if it was the booze or the thrill of it all, but I said yes, and followed him back to his condo, which was less than a mile away. We ended up making out on the couch for a while, then headed into his bedroom. Clothes came off, hands everywhere, and then.....the big (or not so big) disappointment.
Guy has a small dick. Not teeny tiny like in a freakish way, but smaller than I was used to. I guess I was spoiled with my ex who had a big (at least compared to others I have seen, which aren't many) beautiful cock. This guy's was much smaller by comparison - I am not good with size, as in how long it was, but much smaller. And uncircumsized. This threw me. I had never seen, let alone been in close sexual contact with an uncircumsized penis before. So...I had a dilemma. I was somewhat turned off by the size of his member, but he was very attentive in other ways, and I still thought he was hot, so I adopted a "what the heck" attitude and made the best out of the situation.
All-in-all, it was fun. He was really sweet, and like I said, VERY attentive in other ways. I did feel bad when at one point, I indicated I wanted him inside me and he said "It's all the way in". Yikes.
So now I understand why Samantha Jones broke up with a guy because he had a small one. Like, TOTALLY understand. While I was able to overlook it once, I don't think I could do it on a regular basis. Not that it was unpleasant, just unsatisfying.
B did call and text me and I sort of blew him off. Feel kinda bad about that, cause he's a nice guy and everything, just couldn't get past his "shortcoming".
The good news in all of this is that I have finally had sex with someone post-breakup.
They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. Maybe it wasn't the best sex I've ever had, but for now, it will do. And it showed me that there is life after my ex.
Just have to come up with a way to screen for size from now on...
After a few unsuccessful attempts in the last two months and "getting back on the horse" so to speak (will follow-up with a more detailed story about one of those, my 25 year old stalker) I finally ended up in bed with an acquaintence from high school.
Was out at a local bar with some friends, just hanging out and drinking some beers. Saw a group of guys that were a year ahead of me in school at the table next to us. Knew them, as in knew who they were, knew their names, and had some mutual friends, but not anyone I hung out with regularly or was close friends with. Anyway, my girlfriend and I started talking with one of the guys, and somehow migrated our drinks to their table. So, we chatted it up with them for a while, the one guy (I'll call him B) and I started a side conversation. I always thought he was cute back in high school, but we were in totally different circles - he played every sport and hung out with the party crowd, I was sort of nerdy and hung out with the drama club crowd...but I digress...
Ended up talking for a while, other friends left, and before I knew it, it was 1 am. I told B I was heading out and that we should hang out sometime. We exchanged numbers, and I started to get my things to leave. He said he was leaving too and that he'd walk out with me.
In hindsight, this was probably not the smartest thing I have ever done. I barely knew this guy and was letting him walk me out of a bar to a dark parking lot at 1 in the morning.
So we get out of the bar and I start walking towards my car, he says he really enjoyed talking, and would love to take me out sometime. I say I would like that, and the next thing I know, we're making out. He asks if I want to go back to his place, his roommate is probably still out.
I don't know if it was the booze or the thrill of it all, but I said yes, and followed him back to his condo, which was less than a mile away. We ended up making out on the couch for a while, then headed into his bedroom. Clothes came off, hands everywhere, and then.....the big (or not so big) disappointment.
Guy has a small dick. Not teeny tiny like in a freakish way, but smaller than I was used to. I guess I was spoiled with my ex who had a big (at least compared to others I have seen, which aren't many) beautiful cock. This guy's was much smaller by comparison - I am not good with size, as in how long it was, but much smaller. And uncircumsized. This threw me. I had never seen, let alone been in close sexual contact with an uncircumsized penis before. So...I had a dilemma. I was somewhat turned off by the size of his member, but he was very attentive in other ways, and I still thought he was hot, so I adopted a "what the heck" attitude and made the best out of the situation.
All-in-all, it was fun. He was really sweet, and like I said, VERY attentive in other ways. I did feel bad when at one point, I indicated I wanted him inside me and he said "It's all the way in". Yikes.
So now I understand why Samantha Jones broke up with a guy because he had a small one. Like, TOTALLY understand. While I was able to overlook it once, I don't think I could do it on a regular basis. Not that it was unpleasant, just unsatisfying.
B did call and text me and I sort of blew him off. Feel kinda bad about that, cause he's a nice guy and everything, just couldn't get past his "shortcoming".
The good news in all of this is that I have finally had sex with someone post-breakup.
They say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. Maybe it wasn't the best sex I've ever had, but for now, it will do. And it showed me that there is life after my ex.
Just have to come up with a way to screen for size from now on...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)